The Mind & PSYCH-K

10 Tips to Overcome Perfectionism

overcome perfectionism perfectionist woman

Perfectionism can seem like a positive trait, but it’s actually one of the most destructive things for your health and well-being. What is perfectionism? In psychology, perfectionism is a style of personality that’s characterized by a person’s concern to strive for perfection. Perfectionists believe the only way to be “good enough” is to be perfect. Their self-worth is based on achieving unrealistic results. Any mistakes and flaws are harshly viewed as failures. Although perfectionism isn’t a mental illness, it contributes to many mental issues, such as anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It can also lead to self-destructive behaviors, self-harm, self-sabotage, and more. We’ll cover how to stop being a perfectionist with 10 Tips to Overcome Perfectionism.

Are YOU a Perfectionist?

Are you a perfectionist or do you have perfectionist tendencies? Answer the following questions to determine why and how perfectionism might play a role in your life.

  • Is your self-worth determined by what you achieve?
  • Do you feel like you’re never good enough no matter what you do?
  • Are you hard on yourself and highly critical of your work?
  • Do you find it hard to relax and perform tasks from start to finish?
  • Is it hard for you to know when to stop or put things down?

What’s the Root of Perfectionism?

Perfectionism often stems from underlying limiting subconscious beliefs, especially around self-worth and safety. These limiting beliefs are usually programmed during childhood. If you grew up in an environment that your subconscious mind perceived to be unsafe, then you’ll do everything to protect yourself, including attempting to control and perfect the outcomes in your life. Unfortunately, unless you change your subconscious programs, you’ll continue to create unfavorable outcomes that match those limitations.

To overcome perfectionism, identify your limiting beliefs. Look back and observe your childhood. Children learn self-worth from those in their environment growing up. In an attempt to receive love, attention, and approval, children have a strong desire to please, perform, and achieve. But, kids don’t have the experience to question things or understand that adults can be wrong. So if an adult says you’re stupid, fat, or unsuccessful, you’ll believe it and find evidence to support it throughout your life. This could spark your endless quest for perfection, which is really a desire for safety, love, attention, and approval.

Perfectionism in Childhood

Get a better idea of how your childhood shaped your desire for perfection…

  • Were you praised for your efforts or your accomplishments? 
  • Did you feel pressure to perform and achieve, such as getting straight A’s in school? 
  • Were mistakes looked down on in your family or celebrated as learning opportunities? 
  • Did you grow up around perfectionists or people with unrealistically high expectations?
  • Were you around highly critical, shaming, or abusive people during childhood?
  • Did you grow up with a person with a mental illness or addiction, such as alcoholism?
perfectionism in childhood scared little girl

Change Your Subconscious Programs

Although you’re different now than when you were a kid, your subconscious programs remain the same unless you change them. There are many ways to change subconscious programs, including hypnosis, repetition, and energy psychology. PSYCH-K is a proven form of energy psychology that allows you to rapidly change limiting beliefs. PSYCH-K helps you overcome perfectionism by transforming your beliefs around self-worth, safety, and more.

How to Stop Being a Perfectionist

Ready to learn how to stop being a perfectionist? Perfectionism negatively impacts EVERY area of your life. These low vibration feelings interfere with relationships, work, finances, health, and more. If unaddressed, perfectionism leaves you feeling hopeless, alone, exhausted, and drained. Sound familiar? The more you pursue perfection, the more you experience stressful “wake-up calls.” These are signs that what you’re doing isn’t supportive or sustainable. But, stress can push a perfectionist into even more unsupportive habits. How do you make the shift? Here are 10 Tips to Overcome Perfectionism…

1. Know You’re Worthy

self compassion woman with hand on heart

Psst… YOU are worthy! You’re good enough to have anything you desire, including love, success, happiness, and abundance. And here’s the kicker, you do NOT have to accomplish anything to keep this status. Your self-worth doesn’t depend on anything external. You’re not good enough because you achieve something, make a certain amount of money, or look a particular way. Your worth is determined by how you feel about yourself.

Let go of the exhausting cycle of “never enough.” Now is the time to let your light shine! Deep down, you know you’re meant to step into your greatness. Stop your self-induced suffering. Ditch any insecurities, shame, judgment, and guilt. Life is challenging, so why battle with yourself when you need an ally? Swap criticism and complaints for COMPASSION. Self-compassion is the antidote to perfectionism. You’re more likely to succeed with compassion than criticism. Through self-compassion, you give yourself permission to make mistakes and fail. Mistakes and failures are valuable guides, like markers on a trail that lead you to the next path. Having compassion allows you to see outcomes more positively. As a result, you enjoy the process, the moment, and your life more!

Expanding Compassion Exercise:

Spend three minutes each morning looking at yourself in the mirror with your hands in a confident victory position (feet hip-width apart with your hands up in a “V” towards the sky) and smile. Look into your eyes and say loving things about or to yourself. This rewires your brain for positivity, builds your confidence, and raises your vibration. 

2. Love Yourself Unconditionally

Ready to create the most epic love story of your life?

Now is the time to fall madly in LOVE with… YOURSELF! Loving yourself unconditionally is the foundation for ALL love and success in your life. So love yourself like your life depends on it because it does! Your self-love determines the quality of your life and how you treat yourself sets an example for others. Treat yourself like you would your best friend. It’s not selfish to love yourself, it’s essential.

The most important thing you can do for yourself, others and this planet is to love yourself. When you love yourself it’s easier to LOVE what you do, who you’re with, and your life. The world needs more love and that starts with each individual. All love starts with YOU. How can you love yourself and enjoy your life more? The more you cultivate love and joy within yourself, the more you’ll spread love and joy everywhere. Start boosting the love in your life by Nourishing Yourself With Self-Love.

3. Get Perspective

Perfectionists tend to narrowly focus on things and miss the big picture… the purpose. Get perspective by zooming out. See yourself through the eyes of someone who loves and admires you. Before my first Ayahuasca experience in the Amazon Jungle, I was terrified of what others thought about me. At the time, I was a perfectionist with low self-worth and underlying social anxiety. This completely shifted during a ceremony when I was able to see myself from someone else’s eyes. I was in her body looking at myself. I felt her love and heard her remark, “She’s incredibly beautiful.” I felt the warmth in her heart as I smiled at her. It completely shifted my social anxiety. I felt how my smile filled this person’s heart and instantly thought, “If this is what it feels like when we smile at each other, then we all need to SMILE MORE!” So smile as you expand your awareness to see things from different perspectives. Expanded consciousness is the greatest source of healing

4. Lighten Up

lighten up couple laughing in cafe

Don’t take life too seriously! Worry, stress, fear, and other low vibe emotions weigh you down. Lighten up to raise your vibration. One of the best ways to lighten up quickly is with laughter. Make it your mission to laugh and enjoy life more. Life is challenging and always will be, otherwise, there would be no growth and that would be just plain boring. Let’s get some giggles, chuckles and ab-aching laughs where peeing yourself is a possibility. “I wish I didn’t laugh so much,” said no one ever! Life is beautiful. Take a more playful perspective and don’t take things so seriously. Although it sounds counterproductive, doing things that aren’t on your to-do list can actually boost productivity. So how can you enjoy and bring more laughter into this moment? Things that raise your vibration connect you to the present, the place where you can co-create your dream life.

5. Slow Down

When you’re on the never-ending hunt for perfection, it feels like there’s NEVER enough time. You feel pressure to get things done to your high standards while feeling rushed to meet deadlines. This creates a lot of STRESS. Slow down to get out of your head and connect with your heart. Slowing down helps you surrender to the present which is especially beneficial for perfectionists struggling with anxiety. Anxiety only lives in the future. Slow down to enjoy life more. Ease into your morning, savor each bite of food, smell the flowers, and read a good book. I recommend reading Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.

6. Connect With Others

best friends laughing together

Most people love having perfectionists work for them, but don’t love having them as friends because they don’t always help others feel good about themselves. We like friends who are imperfectly human because we are too. It’s easier for us to relate and connect with others when they embrace their authentic selves instead of striving for some ideal that doesn’t exist. As a result, perfectionists often suffer from isolation and loneliness. Rather than pushing people away, let others in. You’re not alone and will make more progress with support.

7. Trust the Process

Perfectionism often stems from underlying subconscious beliefs of not feeling safe or good enough. In an attempt to achieve safety and self-worth, you try to control the outcome instead of allowing it to unfold. The problem is, force creates resistance. Rather than getting the outcome you want, you push it away. Let things go to allow them to flow. Exercise your trust muscle and let your faith rise above your fear. Surrender to the process and you’ll experience an outcome that’s better than you could have imagined!

8. Shift Your Mindset

Perfectionists often see things in black or white. That was “good” or “bad.” I’m a “success” or “failure.” Rather than limiting yourself with this narrow mindset, open yourself up to ALL of the possibilities that exist. Get curious! How might this imperfection be a blessing? Rethink failures, mistakes, and imperfections. Shift your definition of success to having fun and being a life-long learner. View mistakes as opportunities to improve and see the beauty in imperfection. In Japan, they practice wabi-sabi, “to find beauty in imperfection.” For example, when a valuable piece of pottery breaks, they restore it with a lacquer mixed with gold, silver, or platinum. After this 500-year-old art of kintsugi or “golden joinery,” the imperfect piece becomes highly valued. Begin seeing the value in imperfection. 

9. Support Deep Healing

Another problem with perfectionism is that it often triggers a stress response. Many people with perfectionist tendencies also tend to have some level of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Stress is counterproductive to healing. Over 90% of doctors visits are stress-related. Digestion, energy, metabolism, brain function — everything gets compromised when you’re stressed. To support deep healing, you must Calm Your Nervous System.

It’s also beneficial to eat a high vibration diet that consists of whole foods and products made from whole food ingredients. Eat a wide variety of colorful foods and hydrate throughout your day. Keep stress low by making decisions from a place of love instead of fear. For example, don’t take your supplements because you fear not taking them will create dis-ease. Instead, take your supplements because you love how they make you feel. 

10. Start Small

The overwhelming fear of failure can prevent you from taking the next step. You can even get “paralysis by analysis” in which you analyze things so much you feel paralyzed. Rather than getting ahead of yourself by focusing on the end goal, break it down into small, doable steps. Then, approach each step as an experiment. If something doesn’t work, then change it. Permit yourself to get started, no matter what that looks like. Celebrate all progress, including mistakes! And remember that you’re worthy by being YOU, not based on what you accomplish. 

Take Action Overcoming Perfectionism

Now you see how destructive perfectionism can be and that there are solutions to overcoming it. There is hope! You can learn how to stop being a perfectionist. Don’t let old B.S. (Belief Systems) prevent you from fully being yourself, connecting with others, and enjoying your life.

  • Schedule a PSYCH-K Session to transform limiting beliefs contributing to perfectionism
  • Practice daily self-care to increase your self-love and self-worth
  • Zoom out and laugh to get perspective and lighten up
  • Slow down to connect more with yourself, others, and nature
  • Surrender to the present moment and trust the process
  • Find the beauty in imperfection and approach things with a curious mind
  • Support deep healing by relaxing and enjoying your life more
  • Make decisions based on love, not fear
  • Break down your goals into small, doable steps and celebrate any “mistakes”

Contact Cate to Get Started!